


Where's My Mind

by Sxarlet



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Hallucinations, Hearing Voices, I Blame Reading Books- Don't Do It, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, M/M, Nogitsune Trauma, Pack Feels, RIP Allison Argent, Running Away, Schizophrenia, Underage - Freeform, schizophrenic Stiles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 03:52:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5569960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sxarlet/pseuds/Sxarlet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a spiraling pit inside the boys stomach. Ticking time bombs in his mind. An iceberg under his feet. And needles stuffed in his chest. He screams a deafening cry, but does anyone hear them?</p><p>No.</p><p>Instead he found that there's a fine and painful line between caution and paranoia.</p><p>(RE-WRITTEN)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where's My Mind

**Author's Note:**

> So In my psych class we were talking about Schizophrenia, then I read "I Never Promised You A Rose Garden" by Joanne Greenburg for English, and then I was talking about it to my friend and then somehow Teen Wolf got involved then i made this all in the span of four hours.
> 
> All in all though it's mostly gonna be based on that book, especially with the oc voices/characters.  
> So (), {} etc. are the voices. At the end of the notes it explains who is who.

There's a spiraling pit inside the boys stomach. Ticking time bombs in his mind. An iceberg under his feet. And needles stuffed in his chest. He screams a deafening cry, but does anyone hear them?

 

No.

 

Instead he found that there's a fine and painful line between caution and paranoia.

 

His friends looked at him like he's nuts, in which he probably is. Just last month he was in a mental health facility (or it's more common yet derogatory name  _ The Looney Bin _ ) and he still can't get more than three hours of sleep at night. Dreams have become so overrated, so last year: nightmares are what all the kids rave about these days. The bags under his eyes have gotten so bad he's resorted into using cover up to hide them.

 

It’s not like it matters he’s not even home.

 

_ {Why bother they don't care.} _

 

He had to quite lacrosse because they knew too. It was his fault that everyone was dead. They knew and all they did was stare at him. All of them, the whole team!

 

When they weren't busy staring they were whispering. Telling him he's a pest. That everybody would be so much better off with him gone. Finstock even straight up called him a useless waste of space in front of everyone!

 

At least he was sure he did…

 

When he talked to Scott about it he just looked at him funny saying "I think you're just imagining things buddy" Stiles wanted to punch his jaw even more crooked for not believing him when he himself was right there. But confronting the other few in their little group about the coach they all said the same: it never happened.

 

So maybe he did just imagine it.

 

But he's pretty sure Scott, and Isaac keep glaring at him during all their classes, probably making threats only a werewolf could actually do under their breath. Not that he blames them. Everyone loved Allison, she was like a Disney princess you couldn't hate her. And he really does mean that in the nicest way.

But really just a few weeks ago he thought he almost hit a cat.

 

_ {You mean Boyd?} _

 

_ [No i think it was Erica. Catwomen.] _

 

That’s where he crashed Roscoe. The jeep was damaged beyond repair. At least with the money he has, he’s only brought so much to get him so far he’s afraid that he’ll have to resort to...drastic measures.

 

It was stupid too. It turned out being a dumb plastic bag where he ended up crashing Baby into a tree. He’s been relying on his old skateboard from middle school to get around when he wasn’t using the bus.

 

_ [Maybe you should go down that steep hill on 5th. A lot of accidents have happened there. It'll be fun] _

 

He can’t ask his dad, going home will admit defeat and they’ll just throw him back at Eichen where there’s a suicide at least twice a week. That’s why he had to get out of Beacon. Get out of that supernatural infested town that has more deaths per month than there are children being born. He was the pathetic human in the rag tag group of outcast it’s not like he could have done much anyways, that’s why he had to pawn all his stuff, bleach his hair, get some contacts, and buy the most expensive bus ticket to the farthest destination. It was the right thing to do, he knows it. Everyone knew it.

 

It’s not like he could have just stayed home anyways. The relationship that he and his father had was pathetic. Really the last time they talked was around the time of his last doctor's appointment after that thing was inside him. Since before he left it was only short goodbyes, never hellos since he only saw his dad rushing to leave in the morning. Though it’s odd that even after they found out that he actually wasn't diagnosed with dementia they still gave him some new pills.

 

_ <You mean poison.> _

 

_ {I can't believe you believed them you’re such an idiot!} _

 

_ [And It's not like you tried to talk. Look where you are now. A coward who ran away with their tail between your legs] _

 

Adderall. That's what they said it was. Just some newly developed medication for his ADHD. The thing he's been taking for years to keep him calm, focused, sane…

 

Derek used to be the one who did that. Probably was the only one that gave Stiles the time of day, the one who drew the short stick making sure he wasn’t dead. He usually came stalking through the window at random, usually at night. Nothing happened when he's there, they talked a bit and when there isn't much more to say they end up on his bed either reading from Stiles collection or watching Netflix on his laptop. Eventually he just stopped. He left his window unlocked, but he gets it, he was bound to realize how much trash Stiles was. He’s just glad that the lone wolf just disappeared instead of making a scene in telling him off.

 

But that was awhile ago, he really misses his own bed instead of the lumpy excuse of a mattresses of cheap motels but he at least had his pillow, where no matter how much he’ll miss the weres heat by his side he’s gotten used to the cold empty rooms. 

 

Though it’s odd at how quiet it is. There's probably some mortal danger hanging around Beacon Hills right now. Stiles has learned what to look out for on his own, a shift in an area or reading any signs that indicate someone isn’t human, he’s learned how to stay the hell away from those.

 

_ [Yeah, you'll probably just end up killing Lydia or better Kira!] _

 

_ {Oooh, two of Scott's girls? I say we aim for three!} _

 

_ <Maybe you are the poison.> _

 

He's usually no help in those situations anyways. Lydia can be the their google-fu master he's fine with just laying on his bed like he is right now on this lovely saturday night. Slowly becoming a vegetable.

 

_ {More like compost, yuck!} _

 

_ [I feel bad for the people who rent out that room next.] _

 

He gets up for the first time that day deciding the dirt and grime build up is finally reached the point of disgusting that it's making him sick. He doesn't look at the mirrors as he passes them not really keen on hearing what they have to say.

 

_ <No don't! The water's acid! It'll kill you!!!> _

 

_ [Stupid] _

 

He hesitates, not knowing if the water will be either scorching hot or freezing cold, he can never tell if the crappy motel will have properly working utilities. After taking a leap of faith (into thankfully warm water) and coming out he at least felt refreshed.

 

Now if only he can rid of the sick feeling inside, and well find his phone.

He walks around the hotel room he's rented out the past week for his device with little to no hope in finding it-

 

He wonders if this is what the people back in Beacon Hills feel like with him. Desperate to find to a point declaring missing is the only thing left to do.

 

_ [It only counts as missing if people are looking for you.] _

 

They’re probably fine. 

 

He runs a hand through his hair, longer than before almost reaching past his eyes, the bleach making it softer has it stick up more than it did before. Yet it still looks more styled than it ever was. 

 

He's also wearing his glasses just in case along with the blue contacts he swiped at a Magic Man, a beanie, and with some makeup Lydia left in his room to cover up his freckles he almost looks like a completely different person. But he still looks pretty lost with his dull expression and sluggish moves.

 

He thinks he might be lost in general. Maybe somewhere in North Carolina. Or Wisconsin? Wherever he's at he at least doesn't know where Beacon Hills is, or at least the general vicinity of it without looking at a map. Thinking about it now how long has he been in his current  _ home _ ? It was Sunday right?

 

_ [You fucking idiot it's Saturday we already went through this not two minutes ago!] _

 

_ {I can't believe we're stuck with you.} _

 

Saturday! Right, so almost a week meaning he should get going again. Where he goes doesn't really matter, wherever he goes it always seems to be dark. Like in the Winter time where the sun disappears by 4am- except always like that. The whole world has just been one bleaked painting of a six year olds muddy painting.

 

He packs his bags forgetting all about his phone, it doesn't matter at all he really just needs his Ipod to drown out the voices, and some, more or less legally obtained, money (There also may be a carton of cigarettes and a full flask but nobody really needs to know that right?)

 

He's learned to just live the voices too, of course. They are all a part of him. A break from them is just needed from time to time is all.

 

He puts on his scarf and an oversize jacket: the ones with the deep hoodie so he can obscure his face from the cameras easily, grabs his bag along with his board and heads out the motel room most likely forgetting a thing or two. He's been forgetting a lot of things lately.

 

_ [Just a bit of your sanity.] _

 

When he leaves the lady at the front desk he doesn't smile like he knows he would have before. Neither to the bus driver or the woman he sits across from. Just burrows deeper into his clothes with his headphones on full blast doing anything to look less conspicuous to any wandering worried eyes 'cuz he knows he must look like shit.

 

_ {But if anyone ask tell them you’re fine.} _

 

Because there's nothing else he can do. His own voice is lost in a sea of others and finding it is seemingly impossible. Even if it is technically his mind, it doesn't mean he's in control.

 

And Stiles is fine with this 'cuz that is what his head tells him. Everything is fine.

 

_ {Just keep moving forward.} _

 

_ [Never, ever look back] _

 

"And everything will be just fine. "

**Author's Note:**

> If there is anything that I may have gotten wrong please tell me and I would love to fix it!


End file.
